I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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