My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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