chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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