In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just had sex bonerless
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
