perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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