so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
