if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
