got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
