HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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