On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
