dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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