his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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