I cockslap morals
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
