Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
