This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
