I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
then he tried to convert me to islam
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
