my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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