Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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