please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
