I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
