Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
