sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
