my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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