got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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