I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
