It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
