her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
