eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
