Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
