I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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