He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
