I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
