Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
