I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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