Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
