She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
