The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
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