so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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