Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
