I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Randomize
