This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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