my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
