I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
