stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
There are leaves in my underwear?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize