WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We're too hungover to prance.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
