So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize