if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
