i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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