When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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