i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
