why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
