My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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