I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
