Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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