are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
