Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
