he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
