oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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