you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
