2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
