My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
