that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
