Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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