You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
