Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
