I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
