oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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