Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
