so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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