My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
