I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
