I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
