sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
