when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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