Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
