Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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