I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
