Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
