Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
