she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
