Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
